Do You Doubt?

Good Morning, Papa God! 

This is me this morning – wallowing!

(Psa. 6:2-3,4,6)

“Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am pining away; heal me, O Lord, for my bones are dismayed; and my soul is greatly dismayed. But You, O Lord, --- how long? Return, O Lord, rescue my soul; save me because of Your lovingkindness. I am weary with my sighing; every night I make my bed swim; I dissolve my couch with my tears.”

I am feeling so useless in my day to day activities, so meaningless. I know “feelings” are not truth, but they are real. Papa God, pull me out of this pit once again. I am so struggling with this inactivity. My mind devises options for me to do, things I could attempt to do. But when I think upon each one, there is not peace within my soul to doing them, to moving forward with the idea. Is that me throwing up barriers? Is it my enemy throwing up barriers? Or you blocking my way because it is not Your choice for me? I am confused and tired of trying to “figure” it out. A part of me thinks that You are waiting for me to take the first step of faith in a direction, and then You will lead me. The other part of me is staying put because I am waiting for You to show me the next step. I will gladly “step out of the boat” and take the step, Papa God. I just need to know that the step is from You. I don’t want to do something outside Your will.  But this quandary has left me stagnant, immobile, not doing anything. Some days, I think, that this is where You want me so You can work within me and clean me up. Other days, I think that I have unintentionally walled myself away when You are wanting me to take a step and go. As You plainly know, Papa God, I am totally confused within myself. You, Papa God, have not forsaken those who seek You. You do not forget the cries of the afflicted. Papa God, I am afflicted … with doubt and confusion about my life and its service to You. I feel “lost” in this wilderness, wondering which way to go, and what You want me to do. Papa God, You have heard the desires of my heart. Strengthen me.

My struggling servant,

Why do you doubt? Have I not called you and chosen you to be My servant, to teach My Word? I know you are confused by your circumstances, but don’t be. Despite your doubts, I am still at work. Why are you so troubled within your heart? My calling on your life can never be cancelled. So, My child, be at peace. I gave you your gift to use in My service. I am preparing you for the use of it. You will soon know beyond all doubt who you really are in Me and why you were destined to be who I created you to be. I know, at this moment, you cannot see your destiny, but soon you will. Even though you doubt and question the validity of your existence in this season of your life, I am committed to completing My good work in you and to honor the deeper faith of your heart – the faith in My Son within you. Remember – it is your faith in Him that you are living by. Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why I sometimes refuse to inform you? When you have lots of information, you tend to plan and organize your life’s next steps, and that hinders My Spirit’s desire and ability to direct you. It bypasses My anointing on your life. Now do you understand? Yes, I do need you to plan and design and organize but after I direct your steps, not before. I am standing with you. Don’t give up pursuing My will. I know how long you have waited. Rest in My love for you! I am forever committed to your success. I could not be otherwise. You are My child. Trust Me to direct you to your destined purpose as My servant. Will you trust Me to hold you up by My grace? These things in your life were allowed, not to decrease your faith, but to enlarge it. I will keep My commitment to you. I am enabling you to keep your commitment to Me. Trust Me. Despite your doubts and confusion, trust Me. I am working it all out in your life.

(Gal.2:20; Psa.6:2-3,4,6)