Good morning, Papa God!
I am in a place of waiting and praying and hoping with my eyes fixed upon my Hope and my Deliverer. Rescue me from the quagmires of my own making through my poor choices. I know I should be left here, sinking. But I pray You will lift me out of this slimy pit, out of the mud and mire of poor choices, and set me back on the solid ground of Your ways. I know I don’t deserve Your grace and mercy – never have – but You have always loved me and poured Your grace and mercy upon me. Even, if in this instance, You choose to leave me here so I will learn to listen and obey Your voice and not my own desires, I accept it. Because, in Your great love for me, You know what’s best for me. Regrets fill my thoughts as I approach the reality of my decision in the upcoming days. I know it is all my fault, my wrong choices in life. Being human with a sin nature stinks! I don’t want to do what is wrong. I really don’t! But I do what I don’t want to do so often. I have nothing good in me (that is, in my flesh) except the Spirit of the Living God. I am thankful every day that Your grace and mercy are continually poured out upon my life. I do wish I could go back and undo some of my choices, but I cannot. My failures and wrong choices certainly fall into the category of wanting “do-overs.” Be gracious to me, Papa God, according to Your lovingkindness for I know my transgressions and my sin is ever before me. Against You, and You alone, I have sinned. Forgive me, Papa God. Yes, Papa God, I know I am forgiven of those sins when I confess them, but it is so hard to forgive myself for failing You. I am just so weak when it comes to some areas of my life. In my eyes and my strength, all this is too difficult for me to do. But, I seek You, my God, and to You I would commit my cause, my desire. Is anything too hard for You to accomplish? No, there is not! I am casting all my care upon You because I know You care for me and love me. You want me to be free of this area of sin in my life. I know You have heard my cry and the plea from my heart, even before I spoke it! I groan inside this human vessel, burdened with the sin nature within, and so longing to be clothed within my heavenly home, far away from the presence of sin. Always within me is the desire to depart from this life and be with Christ which is far better. I know You are working in me. Most days, I feel like the nation of Israel wandering in the desert for 40 years because of disobedience. You have led me to this wilderness walk to humble me and test me to know what is in my heart. And so purifying continues! I will one day come forth from Your purifying fires as pure gold. My flesh wars against the Spirit so that I sometimes do the things that I do not want to do. Oh, how I wish it were not so! I wish every day that I was more like Jesus, and less like me! Yes -- One day soon! But until then, the war continues within me – wanting to do good, but not always doing it.
My Child,
Everything is out of your control at the moment and beyond your understanding. So let Me have it, and let Me work everything out in My own way. I AM in control of all things as you well know. You are forgiven, My child. I am faithful and just to forgive sin and cleanse you when you confess the sin to Me. Admit your need for Me, and that so very many things are beyond your understanding. Stay in My Presence, conscious of Me at all times. The closer you stay to Me, the less likely you will be to wander from your path. I know you have not yet fully yield this area of your life to Me, but you have most definitely yielded your heart to Me. Before I want the works from your life, I want your heart fully surrendered to Me, even this area. Remember, My child, I AM the light of the world. I will shine into your life – every nook, cranny and crevice – revealing sin. Every time I shine My light on your hidden sin, think of it as a heavenly gift from Me, curing you of what ails your soul. But, My light also reveals all the beauty within you and around you as well. Move forward from this time of wrong choices. I have, My child! When I say, “You are forgiven,” you are! Now, forgive yourself and move forward. Do not let the enemy torment you with your failure. It will just send you into a discouraged, melancholy state. Do not go there. I will say it again. “I forgive you. Move forward from this."
(Romans 7: 14-25; Job 5:8; Psalm 37:5; Isaiah 65:4; Genesis 18:14; 1 Peter 5:7; 2 Corinthians 5:2,4; Philippians 1:23; Deuteronomy 8:2; Galatians 5:17; Psalm 40:1-3; Psalm 51; 1 John 1:9)
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