Good morning, Papa God!
It seems that I am less and less compelled to write down our conversations in recent days. Some days, like today, I am more compelled to just sit in Your Presence, and let my heart and soul and entire being experience You and the depths of Your love for me. Sometimes, it is far more important for me to learn to be still and to know that You are God, and not focus on the “doing” something for You. Even after five years of retirement, the desire of “doing” something with my time has not left me. Oh, I am not doing something all the time for sure. But the desire to do it has not left me, hence the frustration with my current situation. My desire “to do” is, often times, in direct conflict with Your desire for me “to be still and know You.” Breaking through this stronghold of my life has been very, very difficult. To be inactive and to not know what I am to do with all my time causes a deep angst within me. The lack of something to do has resulted in a lack of motivation to do anything, even what I find to do and know to do. Quite the paradox, don’t You think? So, now it seems, I must press in hard for Your strength to just be motivated for each day’s activities. I am tired, Papa God. Completely exhausted from the battle! Depleted! Without You, I cannot continue this walk of faith, day in and day out. I need strength to go on, to keep fighting the fight, to keep standing steadfastly. So, Lord God, I am asking You to help motivate me today to do something that will honor and glorify You. I want to serve You; be Your bondservant – just not sure what that looks like at this stage of my life. My hope is You alone. You are the One Who sustains me by Your strength, Your grace and Your mercy, and above all else, Your love.
My child, have I ever failed you? Failed to keep My promises? We both know the answers to those questions, don’t we? I am always here with you. I am always directing your steps. I am always holding your hand so you don’t fall. Oh, you may stumble along the way, but in My grasp, you will never fall. I delight in every detail of your life. Really, I do! I know you are tired and worn out from emotional and mental exhaustion as a result of this post-retirement period. Letting go can be and is exhausting work … letting go of the past with its hurts, pain, rejections, mistakes, letting go of “toxic relationships”, letting go of your “to-do-all-the-time” habit, letting go of your will regarding plans for your life. Yes, My child, I know how exhausted you are! This is why there is nothing I want you to do now, except let go of remaining hindrances, and rest your mind, soul, and your body. You will need to be rested for the next steps on your path. All of this letting go sends you into My arms and into a deeper revelation of Myself to you. This has been a time when I have asked you to set aside any plans you may have had, and to let Me fully envelop you with My Presence, teaching you to trust Me completely, and to lay down your will to Mine. It only makes sense to do this since I alone know what lies ahead for you. Oh, I also will not ever let you miss what I want you to do. When the time is right, you will know it. I promise! Live each day trusting Me. Child, I am your highest wisdom and counsel. I have asked you not to lean on your understanding of the way things are right now, but to trust Me to lead you. You will always hear My voice say to you – “This is the way, walk in it” if you remain close to Me, and are ready to hear and listen to My voice. Most times, My child, it is not that you don’t hear what I say. It is that you don’t like the way in which I am directing you to walk. You want it to be some other way, more to your design and liking. I am not scolding you, My child. I just want you to see the truth of your situation. Commit your will and your understanding to Me, even when it doesn’t make sense to you and it's not the way you think it should be. I do see and know the way in which you should go, and I will be your guide. So, please – for both our sakes – lay down your will and your understanding of this time in your life and trust Me. Yes, your life currently seems, to you, to be mundane without change or meaning, slow and inactive, ordinary. You do realize, My child, that I use the “ordinary” of this world to do the extraordinary. Enter this day with a new resolve to do what you know to do and leave the rest to Me. Your life has always been one of closeness with Me. You have always run to Me in every circumstance, and trusted Me to bring good from whatever the situation was. Do so this time, My little one. I am right here. I hear you and I see you. And, above all else, I love you. My ways are perfect! I will sustain you through this time just as I have in all your yesterdays. Walk by faith on the path in front of you. Do not concern yourself with what is up around the bend on the path. You do not see all yet. For now, you only see in part. You are in a time of planting, of rest. Reaping results will come later, in due season. So, be encouraged, My child. I am with you! Your life has borne fruit. And your life will bear fruit. Oh, and by the way, your fruit will remain. I have seen to that! So, for now, “plant” the seed of My Word within you and rest. The field of your life is currently being prepared for the next harvest. Trust Me! Your focus should be staying close to Me, planting My Word within you, and allowing My Presence to be absorbed within you as I change you.
HA! So much for not writing down much today. You had a lot to say to me this morning, though my words were minimal. And this is as it should – me talking less and listening more.
(2 Cor.5:7,10:3-5; Prov.3:5-6; Joshua 1:9; Psa.37:5; John 15:16)
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